Funny Quotes - The World's Funniest - Page 10

When you realize you've made a mistake, make amends immediately.It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
        —Dan Heist

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
        —Norm Crosby

When women kiss it always reminds one of prize-fighters shaking hands.
        —H. L. Mencken

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
        —Mark Twain

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
        —George Bernard Shaw

When truth is discovered by someone else, it loses something of its attractiveness.
        —Alexander Solzhenitsyn

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.
        —Ralph Waldo Emerson

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
        —Author Unknown

When people are laughing, they're generally not killing one another.
        —Alan Alda

When others kid me about being bald, I simply tell them that the way I figure it, the good Lord only gave men so many hormones, and if others want to waste theirs on growing hair, that's up to them.
        —John Glenn

Words of Wisdom:

• What does it take to be happy? A bit of blue sky overhead, a warm breeze, the peace of mind.
• The man, usually only know which measure of happiness in the misfortune to have experienced.
• Happiness for me is to enjoy good health, sleep and wake up without fear, without anxiety.
• Happiness is a wonderful article: the more you give, the more one gets.
• It is very difficult to make beautiful happiness. A happiness that is only the absence of misery is ugly.
• Believe it, for we must not ask us to love who ever loves us: Are you happy?, But always say: I'm so happy!
• Being always ready to be happy, is not to be inevitable sometime.
• True happiness consists in doing good.
• Often, some look for happiness as looking glasses when you have over your nose.
• Happiness always traveling incognito. Only after it has passed, we know it.