Funny Quotes - The World's Funniest - Page 7

''Write that down,'' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
        —Lewis Carroll

Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
        —Rudyard Kipling

Women who miscalculate are called mothers.
        —Abigail Van Buren

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn't want to own one.
        —W.C. Fields

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
        —Oscar Wilde

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.
        —Frank Zappa

Without lies humanity would perish of despair and boredom.
        —Anatole France

Without geography, you're nowhere.
        —Author Unknown

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
        —Rodney Dangerfield

Wise people are foolish if they cannot adapt to foolish people.
        —Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

Words of Wisdom:

• If you understand the word happiness, you have to understand it as a reward and not an end.
• The falling from a well done that, do not care how deep is the abyss.
• There is a kind of shame in being happy in the light of certain misery.
• The happiness of the greatest is not to be happy, but to understand how happy they think others have to be them.
• Make others happy men: there is nothing better or more beautiful.
• Each one is as unhappy as you think.
• Happiness is not something easily digestible it is, rather, very indigestible.
• Happiness is not science, but on the acquisition of science.
• When you're happy, remains to be done: console others.
• Nothing can stop feeling this wonderful joy of being preferred to others.