Cute Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 3

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"
        — Steven Wright

"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
        — Johnny Carson

"I've often thought that the process of aging could be slowed down if it had to go through Congress."
        — George Bush

"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
        — David Letterman

"Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong."
        — Geoff Arbuthnot

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches."
        — Jim Carrey

"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps."
        — Emo Philips

"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
        — Sue Murphy

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
        — Jerry Seinfeld

"Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff."
        — Steven Wright