Cute Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 5

"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women."
        — W.C.Fields

"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."
        — Rudyard Kipling

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
        — Dick Cavett

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
        — Brooke Shields

"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label."
        — Mark Twain

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
        — Dave Barry

"Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
        — Groucho Marx

"When you cook it should be an act of love. To put a frozen bag in the microwave for your child is an act of hate."
        — Top chef Raymond Blanc

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
        — Albert Einstein

"Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy -- in a jar on my desk."
        — Stephen King