Cute Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 7

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
        — Tiger Woods

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
        — Jack Handey

"Scientists are complaining that the new Dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give kids a mistaken impression. What about the fact that the dinosaurs are singing and dancing?"
        — Jay Leno

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."
        — Unknown Author

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."
        — Robert Bloch

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ..."
        — Louis Hector Berlioz

"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."
        — Unknown Author

"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."
        — Unknown Author

"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar."
        — Unknown Author

"Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!"
        — Unknown Author