Funny Quotes About Marriage - Page 5

It destroys one's nerve to be amiable every day to the same human being.
        — Benjamin Disraeli

Instead of getting married again. I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
        — Lewis Grizzard

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
        — Katharine Hepburn

If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
        — Anon

If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.
        — H. L. Mencken

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
        — Groucho Marx

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
        — Rita Rudner

I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, ''What will you have, sir?'' And I said, ''A glass of hemlock.''
        — Ernest Hemingway

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.
        — Marie Corelli

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married and by then it was too late.
        — Max Kauffman