Funny Quotes About Marriage - Page 6

I married beneath me. All women do.
        — Lady Nancy Astor

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
        — Rodney Dangerfield

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
        — Lewis Grizzard

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
        — Sam Kinison

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck.
        — W.C Fields

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.
        — John Barrymore

I am about to be married, and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.
        — Lord Byron

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
        — Jackie Mason

By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher.
        — Socrates

Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
        — Mark Twain